Thursday, February 18, 2010


So who is Conan O'Brien, really? I've had suspicions about this highly paid, high profile entertainer with the lopsided over sized red cowlick for some time now. With all the hoopla about his half Tonight Show, $45 million settlements, Leno, etc., I decided it was time to launch an in depth background investigation. My findings are as scary as Conan's pompadour!

Truth be told, I believe that Conan is a Conehead, the son of Beldor and Prymaat who were known to be on planet earth between 1977-78. They came from the planet Remulak along with their teenage daughter, but their preteen son who they referred to only as 'little red cone", was left behind on Remulak for unexplained reasons. I believe the parental unit abandoned him on Remulak because the strange auburn colored crown of his head tilted oddly to the one side unlike the perfectly formed cone on the heads of other Coneheads of Remulak. In short, he was an embarrassment to the family on Remulak, as he'd be on Earth.

Suddenly and mysteriously, the Coneheads disappeared from earth in late 1978. There were various unconfirmed Conan sightings from that time on, but it was in the late 80's Conan showed up unannounced as a behind the scenes writer on SNL. Hardly a coincidence! I suspect there was some interterrestrial criminal stuff going on behind the scenes between the networks, Conan, the Coneheads of Remulak, hair stylists, and possibly even Leno who also has a rather strange head himself. Beldor, Prymaat, and the daughter have never been heard from again -- either on earth or on Remulak -- gone, just vanished. The whole thing reeks of foul play and conspiracy to this writer!!!!!

So what is the truth??? To quote from a famous movie, you Late Night TV fans "can't take the truth!!!"

If Conan were to do the right thing and have a piece of his Coneover submitted for proper DNA testing, the answer would be there. Not likely! Conan would not risk his career if he were to be found to be from outer space. The network could void contracts simply because Conan would have misrepresented himself. He would have to give all that money back and risk ridicule. With his looks, he'd have no place to hide anywhere in the galaxy.

If he were to come forward as a guest of say Letterman, and admit to being a Conehead with a bad hair day, the public may be more forgiving. Considering cheating talk show hosts, politicians, and sports figures show remorse on national TV, why wouldn't the viewers show a little compassion for this strange looking little man (spaceman?) admitting to his being a Conehead in disguise. This is just reality TV with the viewing public forgiving everyone -- The Polygamist Bachelor who claims three wives, but is gay; the rapper who beats up his star singer girlfriend; dancers who have wooden legs and fall down; the singers who show up with vocal cords lost to meth. I think if Conan cries, he's safe.

God forbid if he's not a Conehead. Sure, my investigative reporting would be under serious scrutiny in the blogosphere. The networks might even do an Investigative Report on my report, but what about Conan? Many would still poke fun of his wig. Some would wonder forever if there is something unusual growing under that weird tuft. Was the Leno deal really a smokescreen, a cover up for something deeper? Would the network's Investigative Report on my investigation just be done to pump up their ratings? Who knows, and who really cares? Guess you'll just have to stay tuned.

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