Tuesday, February 9, 2010

HEAVY SNOWFALLS IN DC LEAD TO SNOW SHOVEL THEFT EPIDEMIC

Washington D.C., our Nations Capitol has now become know as the "The Snow Shovel Theft Capitol" according to many residents who've become recent victims of snow shovel thieves.

Earlier today I received a phone call from my whining daughter in D.C. who had just returned home only to find the family's one and only shovel had been swiped from their front porch. Same old D.C.- "no witnesses, no finger prints, no shovel" she whimpered. "Dad, I've been violated and I don't know what to do?"

I felt terrible for her. I suggested a trip to Depot. "No Way!", she replied. "They've been sold out of shovels, salt, and sand for days now. And beside that, a 70 year old woman who bought one of the last shovels Monday had it stolen from her in the parking lot. The perps stood her upside down in a snow drift. Fortunately she had that 'I've fallen and I can't get up' thing with her. Otherwise she may have froze to death'".

I told her that maybe her husband would have to scour the hood for their shovel. "Dad, there are reports here that this is gang related. I mean, he's good with computer stuff, but he's not very intimidating." I agreed.

At a loss, I suggested they go and steal a neighbors shovel. "You could paint it white so they might not even see you using it, let alone know it was theirs", I thought outloud. She was quiet, obviously considering the option.

I broke the silence. "Go on line?" "Can't, too late for that. Another 10" is coming tonight and even those guys in the little brown trucks won't get through." she shot back.

"OK, let me do some checking and I'll get back to you" !!!!!. I got the long distance operator to ring me through directly to the Director of Public Works in the D.C. His name had just been posted on President Obama's Face book account as the go to guy for snow related problems.His code name is "Snow Flake", used to protect his identity in a snow emergency -- kind of like being in the Witness Protection Program.

Our talk was brief, but "Snow Flake" got his point across, "This is some serious snowshit man! he exclaimed. "I had two of my plows high jacked earlier today. All that was taken was the shovels from the trucks and the drivers clothes. Talk about embarr assing, having these two drivers shown on all the TV stations on the 6 o'clock news mooning the media cameras from their cabs". I hung up in disgust. This isn't government at work, this is anarchy I thought.

Next I called my Congressman holed up in the Watergate Hotel. I was surprised when a woman answered, but she quickly turned the phone over to him. I think he wanted to get rid of me, but gave me some quick official statistics from a sub committee just released that there is a snow shovel theft being reported every 30 seconds right now just in D.C. alone and it's expected to get worse. He assured me that with the Government being closed due to snow, my daughter and husband could just do like he's doing, "Waiting for the cherry blossoms to bloom, making a snow angel inside on the white sheets", he laughed hanging up the phone. "I won't vote for that A-hole next time" I muttered getting in the last word.

I had no fix for my kid. What a shame. I tried calling her back to give her the bad news. I just didn't have any answers. I tried the home number and both cell numbers. No answer, just went to Voice Mail. Probably out shoveling. Guess they were able to solve their problems like adults. Don't think I'll call them again.

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