Saturday, March 27, 2010

New York City to Use Stimulus Money to Enlarge Size of National Debt Clock in Times Square


The National Debt Clock located in New York's Times Square will be enlarged in 2011, thanks to some last minute fund shuffling by Representative Charles Rangel (Democrat, New York). Rep. Rangel, currently under investigation for ethics violations is now on leave from his position as Chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee. It is speculated he borrowed certain funds that were allocated for New York's troubled schools and channeled the money to the "Big Ben of Big Bucks"




"Why not?" shot back Rangel when questioned by reporters about this shifty shift of funds while sprawled out on a chase lounge at his place in the Caribbean. "This will be a big thing for tourism in the Big Apple. Next to the Empire State Building, the Dodgers, and what was Madoff's apartment the National Debt Clock is the biggest draw for taxpayers and illegals both!" Calming slightly, Rangel bemoaned to condition of the City school system, "Face it, the kids in this area will learn more by hanging out at the Debt Clock developing their math skills on their mobile phone calculators than at school. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the more kids that stay away from the classroom, the more schools we can shut down, the more teachers we can fire".

The new Debt Clock will replace an older, smaller similar version of the one pictured above. It is anticipated the size of the clock will increase approximately fourfold. The backdrop will be dollar bill green, and the lettering will be done in a red ink red. As of March 9th, the total national debt shown on the current clock was $12,552,703,515,296. It's believed that the 14 available digits which were increased from 13 in 2008 needs to be updated. The 2011 plan is to go from 14 digits to this to 18 this time "so we don't strap our children and grandchildren with the financial burden of having to redo The Clock again in another five years", summarized Rangel. Mathematicians questioned told us that this would allow us to show $999,999,999,999,999,999 quadrillion dollars of national debt if needed.

The family of four's share of the debt, which now exceeds $114,000 is shown right below the total national debt on The Clock. "Our children and grandchildren will now be able to claim ownership of their family's part of the national debt and calculate their their chances of survival by adding on their other personal debt including VISA charges, student loans, etc.", stated an unnamed source from Government Accountability Office (GAO). What is sometime referred to jokingly as the "family fair share" of the national debt is also shown on The Clock and will only be increased by one more digit, thus allowing for up a maximum $9,999,999 per la familia debt in the future. That, of course, would not include those other personal debts which are expected to rise as well.

Given the size and weight of the new Debt Clock, Halliburton experts believe that a new government building may be needed to support this massive load. Most popular of the designs under consideration is a structure similar to the Washington Monument, except shorter and girthier. Conceptually, the eight story design allows the government to inbed custom made extra large flat screen TVs on all four sides of the structure. TV's would be built by our friends in China with the 3-D option. Special Government approved 3-D glasses would be available for purchase at the site for $2.95. "Sales from the glasses alone could offset the total cost of this project in five years, keeping in mind our track record has not always been perfect ", said an unnamed Financial Officer of the GAO. He went on to say, "GAO projections of the cost at this time are unknown, but their experts estimate that the actual cost from start to finish will triple whatever estimate they come up with".


















COMMENTS FROM THE MATH CHALLENGED FINANCIAL EDITOR:



So, if you spend your spare time gaming or watching Numbers, you might be able to embrace www.usdebtclock.org . Most exciting video stuff I've seen since they narrowed down the the late night TV shows and gave Law & Order back to us.



Anyway, there is alot of action on this sight and the color red is widely used. All you need to play is a good imagination.



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