Saturday, July 10, 2010


Here I am, only 150 days into my promising blogging career and I'm drawing blanks for material. Therefore, starting today will be taking a well deserved vacation with my caring wife. Having not been around for her in my early days of retirement 24/7, I'm hoping to make up for lost time by being by her side all the time until early September. I doubt if she'll tire of me.

Of course, you my faithful followers deserve to know the whole truth about this sudden sabbatical, even though this is written by Green Scallions. You see my friends, I have recently been diagnosed with Carpel Tunnel Mind (CTM) which can only be cured with a long nap of the dendrites. The head doctor who has been trying to read my mind and decipher my blogs has reassured me with this analogy, "CTM is like a fart in the brain which is stuck. It just takes time and relaxation to free itself". Needless to say, I am relieved and my heartfelt thanks goes out to my well healed healer for his encouraging words.

Coincidentally, this rare illness surfaced suddenly in late Spring about the same time I innocently grossed out several readers with racy XXX rated photos of streakers hoping to participate in this years MLB All Star Game. Some fair weather readers cancelled their Scallions subscriptions, some unfriended me on Facebook. Others turned their backs on my wife, killing our extremely busy social life. Only Tiger knows how shamed and shunned I feel.

Burned by rejection, my open wounds need to heal. Like the Hemingways, the Steinbecks, the Salingers. I must rest to heal. I must heal to blog again. Not to guilt you, but you must read my blogs to heal me!

On a more positive note, even though I will be away, virtually I'm always there for you. You can always reread all of your Green Scallions favorites while awaiting my new Fall season. Kind of like watching summer reruns on TV or sitting with your 14 year old watching the same vampire DVD over and over until your eyes bleed out.

Friends, all you need do is just go to: and you will find all of my classics to reread again and again until I get back in action. It won't cost you a dime, just your time which is not that valuable to begin with if you follow my blog. Think about it. If you really have that much time to waste, then maybe you could start your own blog.

Come Labor Day, the power of the free press will be unleashed once more. I can say with confidence that new dullards, deadbeats and divas will arrive on the scene providing fresh fodder for Scallions.

Think about new stories just surfacing -- the stupid who robbed the bank in the northern suburbs cunningly escaping for 35 minutes in a Blue and White Airport Cab awaiting him out front. Time should be about right for some kind of sexual escapade involving a TV Evangelist screaming "the devil made me do it, the devil made me do it" as a defense. Perhaps Lindsay Lohan will get Time Magazine's Person of the Year Award in an effort to up their readership by wooing the reality deadhead crowd. Who knows, the bare ass streakers including John Edwards may even show up for the All Star game 7/13. Who does know?? More important, who really cares???

Only Scallions does -- "friend of those who have no friends, enemy of those who make him an enemy". Scallions swears on a stack of Korans to continue to confuse the public with made up true facts!

Whatever unfolds, the Green Scallions Beautiful Mind Theorem for writing material will be validated ---"As the bar measuring what is the norm for society's children of today continues to sink, the material available for Scallions to report on increases disproportionately.

C U N September!!!

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