I'm really impressed with your desire to break away from Sarah and establish your own identity on Dancing with the Stars. It sure beats being a stay at home single mom of one of that vile evil Levi's babies. So get out of that igloo this winter, get into the sun, and have some fun girl!
Our choreographers at Scallions have come up with a real chic opening number! Just listen to the head banging sounds below from Youtube while shaking your bootie and little Tripp's head in anger in the nursery. This is the mosh pit music of the Dovells.
Read on my "Dancing Queen". The world outside the walls of Anchorage await you.
From what we've heard at Scallions, you'll be teamed up with some young stud. Crystal, just keep in mind that they throw an old guy in sometimes for good will. Last season they sacrificed Astronaut Buzz Aldrin.
Let's hope that Senator John McCain doesn't show up by surprise and you get stuck with him. I know that Sarah would be really upset if he dragged down another Palin. If it happens, you'll just have to prop him up like Sarah did in '08. Remember, Senator McCain is no longer "sharp as a pistol"
Add to the music some sexy blown up pictures of Levi embedded into on the dance floor and you'll have the audience dancing in the isles. Should be easy to get some of Levi's centerfold pictures enlarged that were featured in the June centerfold of Active Alaskan.
So kick a leg Bristol! It's your time to do the Bristol Stomp on that evil vile Levi in front of a national audience!