Saturday, October 9, 2010

Weighing in on Senior Day at the Minnesota State Fair

It's been a month or so since I went to Senior Day at the Minnesota State Fair with a number of my ripe friends. I apologize for the delay on this report, but ever since the Fair most of my time has been spent monitoring my LDL cholesterol level, heart rate, and a big bulge in one of my main arteries that turned out to be nothing more than a slow moving cheese curd working through the cardio expressway. I really feared if something happened to me while writing this wrap up earlier, I might have missed out on posthumous blog awards.

Not to brag or anything, but our "Great Minnesota Cholesterol Festival" is famous worldwide. One of the best they say. Maybe not bigger than Texas, but better. We're number one! The best livestock, machinery, rides, exhibits, horticulture and FOOOOOOD. This is not the place you come for Lean Cuisine on a stick or to suck a Skinny Cow. Nope, none of that. This is the mother of high fat food, located on 320 acres in St. Paul, Minnesota.

For 14 days ending Labor Day at midnight, stealth young studs and voluptuous Victoria's secrets start looking like reincarnated Andy Devines and Mama Casses within hours of ingesting large orders of blooming onion rings washed down with a super sized chocolate malts. Rather than trying to sneak past the "Guess Your Girth Gertrude" stand, fair goers nowadays stand in line gleefully to total their tonnage. Why not? If the experts misguess your weight by 5 lbs., you win a family size can of that Minnesota made miracle meat, Spam. Great snack on your night drive back to the farm outside Ortonville.

For Seniors, a day at the fair can be very tense if we over indulge on the good bad goodies. With the heat and humidity, loose bladders, and the angst of finding the right bus home the side affects can be extremely intimidating. We AARPy's and beyond have to worry about dehydration, stress on the aging original or replacement heart, bad hips & knees, brain farts of forgetfulness, along with more normal methane gas both quiet or amped, incontinence, impotence, and whatever else I mentioned to forgot. Maybe it sounds a little paranoid, but seniors must plan for any and all possible problems as the Council for the Aging suggests.

As we age, we become more insecure with our security. Sure Social Security, but it's deeper than that. If we can hear, we hear rumors that panic us and we turn to AARP for empowerment. God only knows our evil enemies do not want to tussle with the muscle of the ghost of the senior"s Superman, Senator Claude Pepper, Dem, Fla 9/8/1900 - 5/30/1989.

There were lots of rumors at the Fair about things to come in the next couple years that have forced us to double layer our senior diapers out of fear. Please, let me know if you've heard any of these same stories so we can ready ourselves for Armageddon. Really, I'm not paranoid. My older friends are though.

Here's the skinny . Starting in 2015, the Fair will introduce a new beverage called "Aged Soylent Green Ale". Sounded yummy, but the name was wierd so I tracked it back to YouTube:

Gets me wondering if this could be a form of age discrimination. Talk is that anyone born under 55 will also be able to save $4.00 if ordering Green Ale along with the experimental Senior on a Stick. Maybe this is payback for the Generation X, Y, and Z's for us Boomers.

Here's hoping to see you at the Fair in '11!!

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