Saturday, April 5, 2014

Diagnosis SS'SAD (Severe Seasonal 'Sota Affective Disorder)

Saturday December 11, 2010 0:600
Sent from: Chanhassen, Mn. 55317
Weather Conditions: Abysmally Depressing

I feel sorry for me. Thanks to the Internet, I just self diagnosed myself with SS'SAD (Severe Seasonal 'Sota Affective Disorder). Not to be confused with basic Seasonal Affective Disorder, SS'SAD is unique to residents of Minnesota only.

No, winter has not officially started yet. That will be December 21st. Actually SS'SAD hit me in mid November while flying back to Minneapolis from D.C. As the Atlanta based Delta pilot did his final approach to MSP, the ghostly white tundra appeared below. Captain Feel Good guffawed as he announced the Cities temp, along with mentioning Atlanta's. What a jerk. I didn't need his data seeing as traces of snowflakes and a blast of frigid air embraced me from the leaky emergency exit door I was seated by. "Oh jez, might be a bitch of a winter", I says to myself.

Now it's December 11th and the local TV weather curmudgeonman boasts that "we have more snow so far than we did in '91 which was the year of the great Halloween blizzard", as he reminisces about being stuck in a snowbank with his Chewbacca outfit looking more like the Abdominal Snowman. Then the dipwad brags about how hardy 'Sotans are while announcing this weekend we'll get another 12-16" of snow, with temps overnight tonight of -10 degrees FH.

In case you don't know where the Twin Cities are, were about 200 miles southeast of Fargo at 44.9 degrees north latitude. That puts us just south of the North Pole. When Santa stops here, he numbs himself with schnapps while leaving gifts to good little sun deprived peaked Scandinavian boys and girls and others of lesser heritage. Then the Fatman bolts as quick as he can for Florida throwing gifts from the sleigh into the fields South Dakota, Nebraska, and Iowa like an damn airlift. He just avoids North Dakota assuming the locals and the Canadians with oil money can buy their own gifts at Fargo's world famous Mall of the North America's West Acres.

So what's the difference between people suffering from SAD and those of us who live here suffering from SS'SAD. It's the severity and duration of the cold snowy months you moron. Our body temperature barely keeps us alive. We tend to be rather lethargic when awake. We live in our long john jam jams. We nap more during the day, avoid any social activity, and go to bed early.

Some years the snow stays on the ground from October into April. Sometimes we can't even find our buck thorn until May. The average winter temperature is around 10 degrees so if you're sad because you suffer from basic SAD, you are a wimpy sadist.

'Sota is no country for old men, or their ladies, offspring, or small pets. The cold goes to the mind, the cold goes to the toes. There is no relief. Many people who live here end up like these two bozos on the Youtube below. Your speech goes. Your sense of direction. Then the mind. Frails used to basic SAD would not make it here until New Years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrM2gmx0tNM


SS'SAD GOVERNOR ELECT WEIGHS IN; OPPONENT FLEES STATE

Even our new Governor is in a daze with SS'SAD. Check out his glazed over eyes and that crazy look on his face as he realizes he was elected and will have to stay here this winter. In contrast, check out his Republican opponent Tom Emmer and his family announcing that being short 8000+ votes has allowed them to go south soon.


Winners or Loosers Dazed and confused newly elected Governor Mark Dayton on left claims he'll stay and fight SS'SAD on behalf of Minnesota voters until "Hell Freezes Over"!


Defeated candidate Tom Emmer below concedes race to Dayton. After that he gleefully announces to family they're going to Disneyland!!










Sorry, this part of page is in a whiteout!






BRETT FAVRE A VICTIM OF SS'SAD

Even Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has come forward admitting to being a victim of SS'SAD. "Last year was an easy winter and we went all the way to the NFC playoffs. If that receiver had caught that last pass that was right to him, we'd have advanced and won the Super Bowl", claimed Favre.

"This year, winter set in too soon. I felt cold all the time and it seemed I was living in darkness", lamented the bruised and battered aging warrior. "I napped alot during the day, sometimes on the playing field. I felt depressed. SS'SAD is no fun. I think I'd rather go back to Green Bay as a backup to Aaron Rogers. At least I have friends there. There's so much to do in Green Bay. It's sunnier and winters are much shorter", confessed #4.




Awakened from game day nap, Favre is caught singing Vikings version of
Winter Wonderland
Oh the fans here are insightful, and my performance is so frightful,
Now Chilly is gone, they're singing my song
Freezing in the Winter Wonderland
EVEN SCALLIONS HAS SNAPPED
Ss'sad thing about SS'SAD is that it can have an affect on anyone. Even this blogger. You may have may noticed that I am now wearing the latest Home Depot Christmas headgear. Yes, I can see that dazed Dayton look when I look in the mirror. I don't care anymore. The shortest day of the year is still 10 days off. I'm cold. I'm going back to bed now. I'm bummed out, but I'm Florida bound soon (if we can get out of the house).



No matter where you will be

have a great Holiday!!















































No comments:

Post a Comment