Friday, February 4, 2011

Clones to Provide Relief for Stressed Out Working Moms in 2012

Dear Friends of Scallions: My first year of blogging has been filled with many surprises. I guess the one that stands out the most is the constant barrage of emails I get from readers seeking advice about coping with their day to day struggles.

To help ring in 2011 I'd like to share some encouragement with my largest group of followers, the muilti -tasking working mothers who do all the cooking, cleaning, child rearing, bookkeeping after working eight hour days plus the commute time. Without ever complaining, these unsung heroettes help out their Adonis when he beckons them by shoveling snow, taking out the garbage, picking up Fido's poop, and giving him quality time between the sheets. Ladies, there may be hope on the way.

Good News, Bad News

First the bad news. For 2011 you're going to have to bite the bullet again. Don't cry now. Tough it out girls. It's only another 365 days. Due to the tough economy, you may need to take a second job. If so girls, try to get your husband to cut the grass and wash his own car this summer. Remember, his days are longer as yours become shorter. During the summer he can skip fishing and golfing to take over those chores.

Now the Good News

Thanks to Technology, 2012 Should be a Better Year for Working Moms

Sources tell me that the long awaited FDA approved female cloning procedure will be test marketed in 2012 in several Midwestern cities. The patented procedure will be marketed under the name of More of Young Moma Son through the upscale Vietnamese pedicure & manicure giant, Number Ten Nail Salons.

Not to be confused with the earlier genetic failures, the techniques used by Number Ten Nails "have proved to be safe when tested thousands of times on mice at our Hanoi research center", according to Hung Lup, Number Ten Nail spokesperson.

Although details of the More of Young Moma Son venture are sketchy, the outcome should allow you harried beasts of burden to lease up to four clones to divvy up your overwhelming workload. One hundred working moms ages 25-40 from Iowa, North Dakota, South Dakota, and Nebraska will be selected to participate in a free trial.

Applicants may sign up for the free cloning anytime in 2011 when taking advantage of the $24.95 Tuesday Mani-Pedi blue light special at their local Number Ten Nail salon. Winners names will be drawn from the list of applicants on December 15, 2011.

After extensive research, genetic experts at Number Ten Nail determined that the four cloning choices would include the Cooking Clone, the House Cleaning Clone, the Career Clone, and the Child Rearing Clone. Male and female geneticists are split by gender whether to offer a Victoria Secret Clone. Warrenty policies have not as yet been announced by Number Ten Nails.

So girls, all I can suggest at this time is to hunker down in 2011. Unless you're willing to take the crown off your king and bring him down to your level of serfdom, you'll just have to wait for 2012, the Year of the Young Moma Son.

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