Monday, October 17, 2011

Clone of Representative Claude "Red" Pepper Facing Congressional Sanctions for Role in Failing Social Security System

"The mistake that a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they've been appointed and thinking they've been anointed" - quote from Representative Claude Pepper

After decades of finger pointing and bickering, Congress has reached a new low and decided to censure deceased Representative Claude Pepper (D-Fla) for his role in today's ailing Social Security System. DNA from the ground Pepper's remains who died in office at the age of 88, will be reinclonated and the fresh Pepper will face Congressional condemnation by the summer of 2012.

Fiery "Red" Pepper Rallying the Seniors

Known as "Red" for his his fiery red hair and his leftist views, Pepper served as a member of the United States House of Representatives from 1962 until is death in 1989. He was a long time champion for the elderly and many times was referred to in Congress as "Mr. Social Security". He was also the driving force in passing a bill early in his career allowing older Florida residents to fish without a license, which many people might not remember.

As the graying population grows and the Social Security war chest shrinks, members of all parties of Congress, even Democrats who have supported this entitlement for years, have joined ranks in putting total blame on Pepper. Ranking Democratic member of the Senate, Senator Harry Reid believes he and any other current and past members of Congress, "will be exonerated of any wrong doing involving the Social Security system, including doing nothing". Current Congressional members from all parties have been reported to be "down right giddy, almost childish" giving high fives after bathroom breaks to opposition party members without having washed their hands".

In the meantime, thousands of seniors in Florida have taken to the hiking trails and boardwalks in protesting the censuring of a cloned "Red". In a show of solidarity, thousands have been seen marching 10 abreast on the Miami Boardwalk at a speed even slower than their normal slow. The picture wasn't pretty. Dressed in red speedos with gold chains around their hairy grey chests, the Viagra stuntmen strutted side by side with the bikini clad pruned skinned ladies chanting "Keep Red Dead".

Government Sketch of Refreshed Clone of Pepper 

The organizers of the "Keep Red Dead" movement foresee their numbers swelling come January when millions of peaked scrawny legged snow birds make their way south. Reminders of the "Keep Red Dead" movement are to be mailed along with December Social Security checks, assuming there's any money left in the fund.

"If more politicians in this country were thinking about the next generation instead of the next election, it might be better for the United States and the world" - quote Representative Claude Pepper a long, long time ago

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