Sunday, January 22, 2012

WILLARD MITT ROMNEY --------------------------ALIAS "SUPER PACMAN"!!!

Sources close to Republican presidential front runner Willard Mitt Romney have revealed that donors contributing $500,000 or more to his $uper Pacs will receive a special thank you gift from Mitt himself in the form of a cutting edge video game. Romney, now referred as "Super Pacman" within his inner circle, has used his own Bain Bucks to launch this no more Mr. nice guy Super Pacman 2012 game as thanks to those 1%ers.


The Romney campaign spokesperson, Chastity Moroni, gave the Scallions political team hints of what to expect from Super Pacman 2012 by showing us the relatively calm Original Pacman as a comparison. "The original version is kids play when likened to Romney's version. In the tech world, it's like comparing the original 'Rocky I' with 'Rocky IVVVV' ", stressed Ms. Moroni.


Ms. Moroni elaborated further as she fired up her computer. Clicking the start arrow to activate the game she continued, "As you can see by viewing the first 59 seconds of the original version shown below, "Super Pacman" takes no prisoners. The original version shows how easy it is for him devour four early challengers - Cain, Bachman, Huntsman, and Perry.

"Unfortunately, as you can see, he quickly needs to regroup at the 1 minute mark when Perry becomes confused again when he drops out of the South Carolina primary and forgets to endorse "Super Pacman". Then he throws his support behind that liberal salamander, Newt Gingrich who wins in South Carolina. Of course, some of the good parts of the original will be modified and mixed into Super Pacman 2012."

"Users of the 2012 version will be exposed to more violence and noise, but no sex due to our religious beliefs", stated a heavily panting Chastity. I got stoned once by accident when I was younger and played a couple of the most brutal video games ever, Postal 2 - 2003 and Grand Theft Auto 3. These are wussies when compared to Super Pacman 2012".

"The sound of the audio portion of the original is OK, but the decibel rating on Super Pacman 2012 is over the top and will be 100 times more deafening. TV networks will love using sound bites to make their political ads more obnoxious than ever. We are also notifiying our $500K donors to turn off their hearing aids before viewing".





In 2012 version, all the candidates will be much more animated and brutal. Mitt for example, ditches his levis and blue blazer plastic look and will be portrayed as the paranoid telepathic predator from the 1971 horror movie Willard. Newt Gingrich, of course will look like a slippery small amphibian who continues to evade and yet challenge Willard all over the political maze. Both Ron Paul and Rick Santorum will also play critical roles in "SUPER PACMAN 12" although at what point they will be gobbled up is a guarded secret at this time.



Ms. Moroni reminded us to let our readers know that "Super Pacman" donors of less than $500K still have time to up their contribution to earn the free game. If they don't have the money Mitt will allow them to purchase copies for $99 at the closest Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-day Saints.

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