IT'S WHAT (OLD) MEN NEED FOR FATHERS DAY -- RATED 5 STAR BY SCALLIONS!!!

LISTEN UP!  Wives, children looking out for your inheritance, even grandchildren;  FATHERS DAY is next Sunday. As usual, none of you inconsiderates have given a genuine thought to what to get the old fart of your extended modern family.

This year you can sensitively show the geezer that you really care about what he really wants needs. Knowing my family is too upscale to shop at Menards, I splurged yesterday and bought my own FD present -- the LED LIGHTED TWEEZERS for $2 in stealth black.

"Beam me up (my nose), Scotty"

Believe me folks, this baby works!! In the dim light of our master bathroom, lined up in front of "our" makeup mirror with my aging eyes and shaky hands, I plucked away without rupturing an eardrum or slicing my eye. Even those evasive grey nose and ear hairs were surgically removed with precision.

So, if the fossil of your family has nostrils that look like filthy furnace filters or black vines growing out of his ears, this will be a gift he'll treasure and may even be passed on to you once he's gone. Rush to your local Menard's store before their supply is exhausted. Remember, you'll save big money at the risk of loosing your store snootiness when you shop Menards.

This item is not endorsed by AARP!