Monday, August 19, 2019

MARK YOUR CALENDARS FOR AUGUST 26, 2019 MINNESOTA STATE FAIR -- IT'S SENIOR DAY. DON'T FORGET TO REMEMBER



It's been a few years since I went last to Senior Day at the Minnesota State Fair with some old friends. I'm gonna try to round up some of these oldsters for a revisit on 8/26. According to the Fair Website, it's a bit more expensive this year. Could it be that prices have been Potusd?

So much new stuff to see and do. One of this years new standouts will be the 24 foot tall Minnesota Cornstalk. What can I say?? "This is us"!!?👀

Bigger, better this year with more food, more exhibits, more, more, and more!! There is even a live Goat display where you will see over 1000 type of goats waddling. Yes waddling is a word in goat land. Tuff to bleat this.👎

More food than ever this year. After my last visit I went home feeling bloated so I went to see my doc. He checked my LDL and heart finding a big bulge in the "widow maker" artery which turned out to be nothing more than a slow moving cheese curd pinched  between my gut and cardio expressway. 

'The Great Minnesota Cholesterol Festival" is rated #1 nationwide, perhaps with the exception of Texans. The best livestock, machinery, rides, exhibits, horticulture, and FOOOOOD.

This is not a place that features Lean Cuisine on a stick or Skinny Cows served on fine china. Nope, this is the motherland of high fat, high cholesterol taste great goodies.

Once again, for 14 days ending on Labor Day at midnight, stealth young studs and voluptuous Victoria's Secrets forget their primal instincts to ingest large orders of blooming onion rings washed down with super sized malts.

Rather than trying to sneak past the "Guess Your Girth Gertrude" scale, fair goers stand gleefully in line to total their tonnage. Why not? If the fat booth carny fails to guess your weight within 5 pounds you'll win a family size can of SPAM, made right down I -35 in Austin, Minnesota. That Spam will be a great snack while driving back to Ortonville, or Orr, or-- ??

One of my personal Fair favs is the the north part of the Sky Ride System. It's kind of kinky. About halfway you pass over a building which has a bunch of used panties and bras strewn on the roof. On Senior Day, old guys strain their necks to enjoy the view while the women repeat over and over "disgusting, disgusting".

For us seniors, a day at the Fair can be tough. With heat and humidity, weak bladders, the angst of finding the right bus to get you home the side affects can be intimidating. We AARPers have to worry about dehydration, our hearts, pacemakers, transplants etc. If we drink too much liquids we always have to know where the closest toilet is. We can become disoriented in the heat.

Jeez, this is a long list. I didn't remember how many things go wrong with age. Forgetfulness, too much liquor in the sun with no
food, gas cramps, constipation, incontinence, impotence. Have I forgotten to mention anything I forgot?

Maybe it sounds a little paranoid, but I always wear a double layer of bio degradable mint scented diapers to the Fair. 

 If some of this material looks familiar it's because parts were taken from an older blog with newer material mixed in. So keeping with a State Fair Corn(stalk) mindset, just think of this as being a hybrid ear of corn blog💭







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